April 8th in the morning at the Norris Center

I have just one class today (Love and Evil.) Because of the train schedule, I arrive at campus well before the class time.  I like that.  It gives me a chance to go to the student center in Norris building, get some coffee, and spend some time reading.  The earlier schedule also avoids the stress of rushing to get to class on time.  I am really trying to eliminate things that look like stress

On the train this morning, I was remembering the Golden Apple journey that has brought me to this place and special time.  The beginning of the selection should probably be marked in January of 2013 when I received a letter telling me that I had been nominated for recognition by the Golden Apple Foundation.  The envelope included a certificate which is still hanging on our refrigerator.  I have no idea who nominated me for the honor so, rather than appreciating one person, I am grateful to a great number of parents, students, and colleagues who have been supportive.  In the last weeks of January, I wrote the essays and gathered the recommendations that were required to advance the Golden Apple process.  It was a busy time.  I was auditioning the spring musical, getting ready to take the chess team to the state tournament, and completing the final manuscript for my MFA.  Despite the demands of school, I really worked at trying to give a picture of my teaching and my classrooms in the answers I sent to Golden Apple.

The original certificate from when I was nominated, still hanging on the refrigerator.

Then I put it out of my mind.  Along with rehearsals and writing, I was also moderating the literary magazine and teaching three preparations.  I had plenty to do.

In March, a letter arrived telling me that I had been named a finalist.  I was stunned. And thrilled.  I remember being apprehensive about even mentioning it to anyone.  I was afraid that I would bring down a curse if I announced this good fortune.  The letter told me that were 32 finalists and there would be 10 recipients. Even an English major like me can do that math. I was happy with the recognition and tried my best not to build up my expectations too much. I kept telling myself that it was an honor to be a finalist.

There is a prayer that is recited at the Seder meal of Passover.  A litany describing the great works of God is recited and, at the end of each line, the family says "dayenu."  This is Hebrew for "it would have been enough."  It expresses satisfaction with the grace that God has bestowed.  I repeated "dayenu" a number of times in the weeks after I was told that I was a finalist.  I thought back to the decades when I didn't know if I would ever have a chance to teach again.  I reflected on the joy I had found in the classroom.  To each of these, I said "dayenu."

This prayer from Passover kept running through my head as I thought about being a finalist.

I was contacted by the leader of the site observation team in the last weeks of March.  With his guidance, we arranged for the Golden Apple team to observe three classes and meet with students, parents, administrators, and colleagues.  Because of their schedule commitments, the team needed to come on a Tuesday.  My History and Theory of Film class did not meet on Tuesdays and they were disappointed that they would not be included.  With the gracious cooperation of a science teacher who would normally meet them for a lab on that day, they volunteered to hold an extra class so the Golden Apple team could get the full experience of my teaching day. That class was one more addition to the growing list of people and events I would be grateful for.

The first class on the morning of the observation was Creative Writing.  The students in that class had written ten-minute plays and were work-shopping them.  The creative writing students were a joyful bunch.  They loved each other and loved working on their writing together.  The two observers (one of whom was a theater professor from Northwestern University, the other a retired elementary school principal) were treated to a high-spirited romp through two short plays.  It was a happy beginning to the day.

Moral Theology followed just five minutes after Creative Writing and the mood shifted from playfulness to thoughtful reflectiveness.  The students were seated in an informal circle. That is almost always the case in my class, which is based on group discussion.  The topic for the day was end of life and the ethical dilemmas that families face when loved ones are dying.  The students wrestled with the very painful moral questions seriously and respectfully.  One incident from that morning stays in my mind.

In the discussion group. The students claim that when I get excited, I get off the chair and stoop.

A young lady told about her uncle who was terminally ill.  He had the opportunity to donate his organs but only if they were harvested soon, before degeneration took place.  He decided to end his life early to allow the organs to be transplanted.  Not only Catholics find this to be a morally questionable decision. The teaching of the Church teaching would forbid it even for what seems like a good result.  The girl was clearly uncomfortable with how we might react to her uncle's action.  After she told the story, she asked me whether I thought he was wrong.  The room was absolutely silent.

Rather than respond to her question, I asked her what she thought about her uncle.  

In a voice just above a whisper, she said, "I think he's a hero."  I glanced around the room. There were tears in many of eyes, including mine.

After theology, the film class met.  We had been studying Werner Herzog's "Aguirre or the Wrath of God."  The topic for this session was the anti-hero in film and the assignment was to pick a film clip that showed what the student considered to be an "anti-hero."  I remember that we spent a considerable amount of class time discussing Eva Marie Saint's character in "North by Northwest," a film we had studied a month or so before.  The conversation veered into questions of gender and how the idea of hero / anti-hero changes when the character is a woman.

Eva Marie Saint in North by Northwest.  It was a favorite of the film class.

The team then moved on to talk to the groups I had assembled.  I was not included in these. Finally, around three o'clock, they returned for a final interview with me.  It was an intense but joyful day.  The team left and the waiting began.

A few weeks later, I attended the "Ceremony of Excellence."  This was a lovely breakfast which honored all of the finalists.  My wife and the president of the high school joined me.  Each of the finalists was introduced and many pictures were taken.  I was surprised to find that another finalist was a woman with whom I took all of my certification classes at National Louis.  She is an excellent teacher in the Chicago Public Schools.

All 32 of the finalists at the Ceremony of Excellence. I have a particularly dazed look.

And then there was more waiting that stretched into May.  The musical opened and closed. The literary magazine was published.  I finished the final manuscript and annotated bibliography for my writing degree.  My classes began to wind down.

It is now the beginning of May and I received word that the announcements of the recipients would be made in the following week.  Winners are notified when a group from the Golden Apple arrives unannounced at the teacher's classroom. Fr. Joe Ekpo of our staff had been named a winner six years earlier and I had managed the media portion of the announcement so I was familiar with the process.  The Chicago Tribune reported that winners would be named on Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday.  As it would turn out, they had one detail wrong.

Monday and Tuesday came and went and no one appeared at my classroom.  I was doing my best to keep my expectations in check and my mood under control. Every day, articles ran in the newspapers about teachers who had been named to the final ten.  Governor Quinn presented one award. Mayor Emanuel was there for another.

When Wednesday passed and there was no word, I believed that I had not been included among the recipients.  I went home that evening and sat on the porch.  I could no longer hide my disappointment. My wife suggested dinner or a walk.  I preferred to sulk. By late Wednesday evening, I had recovered some control of my mood and was getting back to feeling grateful for being included as a finalist.

On Thursday morning, I taught Creative Writing and then started Moral Theology.  About ten minutes into the class, the principal appeared at the door of my classroom and said, "You have visitors."  A huge crowd entered.  There were officials from Golden Apple, news reporters, photographers, and--in the back--my wife and daughter.  The first thought that occurred to me was that my wife had known about this during the last few days as I pouted at the feeling of not having won.

My Moral Theology class as the presentation of the Golden Apple is being made.

The presentation was a blur.  Several people from Golden Apple said a few things and I stammered out some words.  I have since seen a video of the presentation and am surprised that I made more sense than I thought.

So selection was over and I was now a Golden Apple fellow.  The journey was just beginning and I will tell more of that in another posting.  There is still a year to go to get to this campus in Evanston.